Dark Lordess

Very good. Much better than the first. I'll try character impressions. :P Annie - She wants to do something important and make her parents proud. She's afraid to fail and ...

I know people say chapter length is up to the writer but I think you should make it longer. Maybe you should try describing things a bit more: the way ...

I think this was my favorite chapter, even if it was really short. :D I know we're not supposed to comment on other critiques but he was wondering how skye ...

:D :D Your flashback is wonderful. It really clears up a lot and I can understand Kay's motives for things now. :P The dialogue is great. You make me so ...

I like the idea of the forest. You could use a couple of your ideas to start it and just see where it goes from there! :P (Happy Birthday Rasi!)

Very good! It was original and really got me interested! :D I agree with Trident. He seemed to rush into the door without as much incentive as I think a ...

Very good. :D One of the beasts him along the stair, a pitiful thing covered in matted grey fur, starved and slavering. I think you forgot a word. He was ...

Seyla wiped her knife clean. She'd just finished "disposing" of a few of the Dashuben stragglers. They'd all scattered when Galina and the man had appeared. She helped herself to ...

There were a few typos that could be fixed easily with spell check and a proofread. If I could I would bite his head off. This didn't seem to fit. ...

I didn't think the character changes were too sudden. Senzieda also saved Mizdon's son, Markus, and Gietan. The wording here is a bit confusing. At first I thought you meant ...

Seyla squinted, trying to block out the light. The sun was streaming through the trees, onto her face. It took her a few minutes to realize something was wrong. Her ...

This is great. I think it gets better every chapter! :P I'll try to do character impressions. Lusien - She seems determined that they are doomed and won't succeed but ...

Much better! :D "I will accompany you as far as the gate. We will be even then," Maviance announced. So this is the sort of man he is, Jyslan thought, ...

Very good. :D ...rubbing his hands over the rough stubble that never seemed to leave... I like that you used this and his description at the beginning instead of saying ...

While the sun waxing in the sky cast and rays of light upon the glassy clouds... its? Merciful sleep began to coil itself around Creiha when Markus trudged up the ...